A City Surf Oasis.

I've been meaning to mention this place on here for a while. It's my little oasis of surf. Just off Regent Street. 

Hollister (them off posh people) have set up a live stream to Huntington Beach, California just so us lucky, special, chosen few can watch slick Californian hipsters cutting it up amongst the best the Pacific has to throw at them. 

After just a few minutes staring at it, you find yourself longing, deeply, for the smell of neoprene and the feel of salt on your skin. You can almost feel yourself: The weight of the board under your arm. Sand beneath your feet. The offshore wind pushing you towards the bright blue ocean. Plunging yourself in to the white water and paddling towards the line up. You can feel that first wave picking you up as you paddle hard to catch it. Just. As you lose yourself watching the screen watching the happy surfers pick up wave after wave, at will, in the American sunshine. Without a care it the world.

The No.23 flies by. 

Splash.

Fuck. 

London again. 

Damn you Hollister.

Same time tomorrow.

This Month's Carve Magazine.

The front of this month's Carve (iss.140). Pretty fucking insane.

The latest issue of Carve (issue 140) hits the shops this week and, apart from the truly epic cover shot and the usual array of awesomeness, there is another reason to sprint, screaming with excitement, naked to the nearest newsagents: Cockney Surfers. Which is definitely the greatest article ever written. The wit, literary skill and visionary insight from the writer surpasses even the greatest works of Dickens, Shakespeare or even... Ok I'll come clean, I wrote it.  

Still it's pretty cool officially being a published writer, darling. Go and grab yourself a copy and immerse yourself in everything surf. I'm off to shove the article in the face of  everyone I know. 

The article itself. Isn't it just the most beautiful thing ever *sob*.

Ant
@antnewsom89

Ke11y 4 P0P3.

Finally in this age of unending austerity, a job has come up. And the ‘Meeja’ (correct pronunciation) have gone mental. Pope Benedict XVI has handed in his notice. Collected his P45. And is off to spend time with... well not his family, but whoever Pope’s want to spend their time with. A new puppy maybe - see I didn't say Choirboys like you expected.

The big news isn't just that for once there is finally one job vacancy on the European continent. But, more worryingly, that the world’s direct hotline to the almighty is currently unattended. Much speculation will now ensue about who will succeed Old Benny in putting on a lovely frock and becoming head of the world’s smallest, and most crime ridden (fact), state.

But who can fill the cassock? Who apart from every theology graduate, ex-miner and reality TV contestant in the land, have applied? Well the world’s press is quite literally wetting themselves, trying to answer just those questions: camping outside the houses of anyone who has been within 50 yards of a church within the last 6 months. At the moment the front-runners according to the so called ‘bookies’ (as the blood sucking bastards are affectionately known) are:

Cardinal Wolsey (deceased) - 16/4

Cardinal Sins - 100/1

Colonel Sanders (also deceased) - 7/5

Dawn French - 1/-1 (fav)

Charlotte Church - 0.1/8

Joey Essex- 4/1

Stephen Fry - 101/97

Brian Cox - 6.626068 × 10-34 m² kg^s/1

Although Stephen Fry is expected to be ruled out, after it emerged that God has refused to speak to Stephen ever since a rather ugly incident during the preliminary rounds of the 1978 World Student Chess Championships in Cambridge, concerning a wandering bishop.

Personally, I’m amazed that one name hasn't come to the fore. Who I hear you think? Ke11y Fucking Slater. That’s who.  Although I might have to get him to modify that middle name a little if he is to be taken seriously during the Papal Conclave. Apart from that there is no one in the world better suited to the role:

Reason #1 (by the way yooof that # means number not hashtag) He can walk on fucking water! Yes he can. You and I may call it ‘surfing’. But the way that man does it, it’s holy.

Reason #2 He’s not adverse to the odd miracle. The comeback at Bells last year was the latest in a career of the miraculous, healing the sick and turning water into world titles.

Reason #3 With all those trophies, he could handle the Papal bling.

Reason #4 If Ke11y was Pope then the Sistine Chapel would become a Kelly Slater Wave Pool. And that would be awesome.

So, when you are casting your ballot Ant say’s - ‘Vote Ke11y for P0P3’.

                  

@antnewsom89

My Second Attempt at Being Funny.

Although this isn't really about being a London surfer,  it did take place on a water and it happened in London, so it is pretty darn close. And I thought it was worth a share: 

On Sunday night I took part in a charity comedy night to raise money for Help a Capital Child. Over 100 people turned up to Tamesis Dock to watch us all perform and we raised just over £400. Here is the audio from my set:

Thanks to everyone who came along to support the evening.

Normal service will resume shortly.

Ant
@antnewsom89

Confessions and Resolutions.

So predictably enough (unless you are Mayan) London2012 has been followed, rather disappointingly by the unimaginatively name year of 2013. And as its January and all the Christmas and New Year fun has buggered off to be replaced by the tantalizing hoard of diet books, gym memberships and abstinence so I figured, fuck it. I may as well join in with all the New Year, New Me bollocks. As they say If you can't beat them. Get a bigger stick. And as part of being this new me I feel I must start with a confession.

I have been surfing for 11 years. 11 Years. And In all that time I have never... I have never.... you know. Entered the greenroom. Taken the tube. Sat in the pocket. Or as The Chief so eloquently put it "felt the embrace of mother natures womb and been spat out by her salty vagina".

I've never been barreled. Ok? Happy?! You're probably thinking there must be something wrong with him? Well maybe I'm just waiting for the right wave to come along. At least I'm not a wave slut.

The opportunity hasn't come up yet. Although I have been surfing so long its mostly been on summer holidays to Devon, Wales, Cornwall etc. and big barreling waves are not exactly a regular occurrence . Only in the last 5 years have I started going out for autumn and spring sessions and more recently winter. Even so it just hasn't happened yet. Not that I have to explain myself. Its perfectly normal. right? RIGHT?!

2013 also seems like the right time to throw off the shackles of the oppressive wetsuit and head for board short country. Last year it was pasty's, cider and neoprene. This year adventure is in air. In the atmosphere. Somewhere new. Somewhere exciting. Not Bali basically. Not that I've got anything against Bali. Some of my best friends... hang on, that doesn't work. I'd love to go someday but everyone goes to Bali or to the far east: Bali, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, New Zealand.. Its a path as old as the Gap Yah itself. That leaves the question though. Where to go? As yet I'm unsure. But deciding where to go should make January far more entertaining than usual.

If I'm going to travel seeking adventure like all the thousands of people before me. I want to discover as well. And not in the 'Oh yah I really found myself when travelling around Thailand' bollocks. I mean like Cook. Amundsen. Livingstone. That guy from the Gap Yah video. Wouldn't it be great to do the same? But surely I hear you cry (yes I am watching you as you read this) everything has been discovered already. Everything is on Google isn't it?

Maybe it is still possible. There are great swathes of coastline that surfers haven't explored yete even in Britain. New breaks are always being found, there was one discovered in the last issue of Carve. So it is possible. There are virgin waves out there waiting to be discovered. Someone has to be the first. Why not me? The only question left is what to call it...

If it's a break that is inconsistent and rarely works then Central Line seems like a good name. Or if its polluted and dangerous then Croydon would work. If the area is slimy and filled with hot air then Westminster it is surely (ooh S-Nap). Although no matter what it's characteristics are 'Newsom Point' has a certain ring to it don't you think?

I think that's enough to be getting on with this year. I'm off to the pub... I mean gym!

1. Get Barreled
2. Go on a tropical surfari
3. Discover new lands (or a surf spot - whichever is easiest)

Ant
@antnewsom89

Let me know what you'd call a surf break if you discovered it. Answers on the back of a postcard (or more practically in the comments box below). Best one wins my undying love and respect.

London2012aggedon round-up.

So London2012aggedon is drawing to a close. Unlike the universe which is stubbornly continuing to exist, in stark contrast to the Mayan's who predicted its end. And surf wise (as always) its been a mixed year around the country. Personally my surfing year has been pretty good. It started off with my first winter surf at both of the Witterings in Feb followed pretty quick by a quick easter trip to North Devon - followed by a nice bout of tonsillitis just in time for my anniversary, much to my girlfriend's delight.

The North Devon trip was one of the more eventful trips of the year: we broke down on the way down, got drunk, had a midnight easter egg hunt and went to a sheep sheering match (a first for me).

Then this summer rather than the exotic trips of Morocco and Fuertaventura last year it was a week in Newquay with a new custom Longboard with the boys. And man were we blessed with waves. The whole week was 3-6ft and offshore. IN JULY?! when does that happen?

The swell was sweet. The nightlife lived up to billing. And the new board rode like a dream. There is nothing better than a trip with you're mates or spilling out of a nightclub at 3am, getting home for toast and babestation before heading out for a sunrise session. It was one hell of a week.

But the summer wasn't over. Come August it was back to Newquay for Boardmaster's festival. The surf didn't play ball over the weekend. 1ft at best when my brother Robs and despite the conditions we headed out just to enjoy being in the sea. And the sea rewarded me. With a weaver fish sting. But a weekend of zider, sun, music, bmx and Dizzee ensued. 

The Sunday morning greeted us far too soon. With fuzzy heads and dry mouths we managed to drag ourselves down to Fistral to meet the now British Champion Alan Stokes for our 'Surf with Stokesy'. In our naivety we thought with the small swell that we wouldn't be heading out. And in a way we were right. What we weren't expecting is that Stokesy, Vito Sport and the Animal team would have sorted an artificial wave for us to enjoy. And my god. That thing is a revelation. Such a great end to an awesome weekend.

Before long autumn rolled around and Wales was the destination of choice for, as my girlfriend put it 'a non-surfing holiday'. And I kept that promise. All the way until day 3. When I just couldn't help myself from hiring a board form surfing legend PJ Jones when we were staying at Llangennith in the campsite right by the beach. In the words of the Arctic Monkeys 'I can resist anything but temptation'. The next day I got one of the bigger sessions of the year at Rhosilli. The shelter of the cliffs to the south blocked out the gale blowing throughout the day giving some cleanish 5-7fters which I rode on a hired 8ft bic board. Up yours board snobs!

At the end September I finally joined the London Surf Club. Although I had to wait until early November to go on a trip due to injury. It was also my first surf trip after passing my driving test in October. And what a day it was. A 5am depart from Finsbury Park via Brockley and Streatham before hitting the road to Boscombe Pier. Winter wetuit on and a clear day of cold 2-4ft waves right by the Pier.

Overall 2012 was a hell of a good year full of good trips with good company and good waves as well the small issues of the Olympics, the Jubilee, Euros, Eng beating Nz, Parko's World Championship win, Obama re-elected and the end of the world. Here's to 2013. If we are all still here.

Final day mayhem: The chase for the world title.

It's the final day at Pipe and things are already getting interesting. Ke11y went down in the 4th to Kerrzy, who has injured himself and gone to hospital for checks. So Ke11y has to fight out an extra round if he is to have any chance to beat Parko to get his mitts on his 12th world title - Its just greedy really isn't it.

So whether your Team k11 or Team Parko its going to be the hell of an evening. So crack open the beer and catch all the action here.