Wednesday, 30 January 2013

My Second Attempt at Being Funny.

Although this isn't really about being a London surfer,  it did take place on a water and it happened in London, so it is pretty darn close. And I thought it was worth a share: 

On Sunday night I took part in a charity comedy night to raise money for Help a Capital Child. Over 100 people turned up to Tamesis Dock to watch us all perform and we raised just over £400. Here is the audio from my set:

Thanks to everyone who came along to support the evening.

Normal service will resume shortly.


Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Confessions and Resolutions.

So predictably enough (unless you are Mayan) London2012 has been followed, rather disappointingly by the unimaginatively name year of 2013. And as its January and all the Christmas and New Year fun has buggered off to be replaced by the tantalizing hoard of diet books, gym memberships and abstinence so I figured, fuck it. I may as well join in with all the New Year, New Me bollocks. As they say If you can't beat them. Get a bigger stick. And as part of being this new me I feel I must start with a confession.

I have been surfing for 11 years. 11 Years. And In all that time I have never... I have never.... you know. Entered the greenroom. Taken the tube. Sat in the pocket. Or as The Chief so eloquently put it "felt the embrace of mother natures womb and been spat out by her salty vagina".

I've never been barreled. Ok? Happy?! You're probably thinking there must be something wrong with him? Well maybe I'm just waiting for the right wave to come along. At least I'm not a wave slut.

The opportunity hasn't come up yet. Although I have been surfing so long its mostly been on summer holidays to Devon, Wales, Cornwall etc. and big barreling waves are not exactly a regular occurrence . Only in the last 5 years have I started going out for autumn and spring sessions and more recently winter. Even so it just hasn't happened yet. Not that I have to explain myself. Its perfectly normal. right? RIGHT?!

2013 also seems like the right time to throw off the shackles of the oppressive wetsuit and head for board short country. Last year it was pasty's, cider and neoprene. This year adventure is in air. In the atmosphere. Somewhere new. Somewhere exciting. Not Bali basically. Not that I've got anything against Bali. Some of my best friends... hang on, that doesn't work. I'd love to go someday but everyone goes to Bali or to the far east: Bali, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, New Zealand.. Its a path as old as the Gap Yah itself. That leaves the question though. Where to go? As yet I'm unsure. But deciding where to go should make January far more entertaining than usual.

If I'm going to travel seeking adventure like all the thousands of people before me. I want to discover as well. And not in the 'Oh yah I really found myself when travelling around Thailand' bollocks. I mean like Cook. Amundsen. Livingstone. That guy from the Gap Yah video. Wouldn't it be great to do the same? But surely I hear you cry (yes I am watching you as you read this) everything has been discovered already. Everything is on Google isn't it?

Maybe it is still possible. There are great swathes of coastline that surfers haven't explored yete even in Britain. New breaks are always being found, there was one discovered in the last issue of Carve. So it is possible. There are virgin waves out there waiting to be discovered. Someone has to be the first. Why not me? The only question left is what to call it...

If it's a break that is inconsistent and rarely works then Central Line seems like a good name. Or if its polluted and dangerous then Croydon would work. If the area is slimy and filled with hot air then Westminster it is surely (ooh S-Nap). Although no matter what it's characteristics are 'Newsom Point' has a certain ring to it don't you think?

I think that's enough to be getting on with this year. I'm off to the pub... I mean gym!

  1. Get Barreled
  2. Go on a tropical surfari
  3. Discover new lands (or a surf spot - whichever is easiest)


Let me know what you'd call a surf break if you discovered it. Answers on the back of a postcard (or more practically in the comments box below). Best one wins my undying love and respect.